


Of What We Knew Not

by emperor-huxxx (Fffsteaks)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Member Death, M/M, Phasma Novel Spoilers, Pre-TFA, Rated Explicit for later chapters, i did actual math for this, that sweet sweet tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 18:25:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14141904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fffsteaks/pseuds/emperor-huxxx
Summary: When General Armitage Hux steals away from his duties under false pretenses, Kylo follows, determined to unravel the secrets that shroud his counterpart.





	1. Chapter 1

Kylo Ren would deny any implication that he was obsessed with General Hux; and to some measure it would be true. It was more of a... curiosity than anything else. From the moment he had first stepped aboard the Finalizer and had met its crew roughly three years ago he had been shown apprehension. Wariness. In time, it had grown into fear. Only two individuals had not once yielded since he'd made his residence here. 

The fearsome Captain Phasma was no surprise. Within minutes of first being introduced to her he'd known. Though their paths were different and their methods foreign to the other, he recognized a fellow warrior when he saw one. From the start she had quickly earned a level of respect the likes of which he'd previously only held for the Supreme Leader.

The other, however, was another matter entirely. The fiery-haired, newly-promoted General by the name of Armitage Hux revealed himself to be far more puzzling than any other member of the First Order. Their first few weeks of cooperation were almost amiable. The fact that Kylo was a Force user meant nothing to Hux - a response he'd not gotten in quite a while - and Kylo received treatment just as any other officer would, though he held no such rank. Professional. Respectful, even. Though in their work Kylo began to peer behind the cool, collected facade to spy the neatly bottled disaster that lie behind. Fascinated, Kylo had taken up poking and prodding at what was hidden just below the surface, until their relationship had derailed into its...current state.

It all became a habit: Kylo provoked, Hux snapped back. They refused to back down until the next turn in the confrontational dance of their own creation. It was a game, and Kylo found himself engrossed. 

In three years, Kylo had only learned so much about Hux. Far more, though, than others like Phasma or Cardinal, and yet it was never enough. Sure, he could pry into the man's mind and get his answers at any moment but the aftermath would not be pretty both figuratively and literally, in addition to rather defeating the purpose of their little back and forth. Even now he'd yet to decipher just what it was about the General that drew him in in the first place. No matter what it was, it couldn't be denied. Try as Kylo might, the burning curiosity for Hux would always return eventually.

So, the knight watched. Observed. Idly, usually, but still with some measure of vigilance; always looking for something to wield against the General in their next spat, or another flaw to expose for further study. The fact that Hux's daily life was less riveting than a protocol manual made it a mostly fruitless endeavor, but still he persevered until the surveillance became second nature. For years, it had always been there in the background, a mere time waster between missions and drills. White noise.

Naturally, then, it was a shock when Kylo, by complete chance, stumbled over a briefing one day for a diplomatic mission, assigned to Hux directly from Snoke, to be conducted in the following week. He'd heard of no such thing from either party. The Supreme Leader did not withhold such things from him, at least not in matters pertaining strictly to the First Order. If there was a direct order given Kylo would be made aware of it. This he knew to be true.

Which meant that this briefing was not.

Upon further sticking his nose in where it debatably didn't belong, he found that the brief had originated from Hux's personal channel - the only other channel with encryption on par with Snoke's own. 

The General had seemingly invented an away mission in the name of diplomacy, and given it to himself under Snoke's name. This was so sudden, so wildly out of character, that it caused Kylo to doubletake at his datapad, rereading the brief over and over again to ensure he hadn't missed some reasonable detail or explanation. But every time the words were the same as the last. Though subtle, the evidence was there and undeniable. Hux was up to something. Something which he was going to great lengths to keep a secret. 

Only someone such as himself or the Supreme Leader would have the access to the encryption codes required to mimic or even investigate this. Snoke cared little for the data pushing of the Order, so long as their goals were achieved. Hux likely thought the same for him, which meant in his mind this would likely never be questioned or even noticed. 

How presumptuous of him.

For a moment Kylo considered bringing this to the Supreme Leader's attention. If Hux was to be confronted by Snoke, though, there was no guarantee that Kylo would get his answers. Punishment would be dealt and that would be the end of it, leaving Kylo forever wondering what the purpose of this was. What was Hux hiding? Did he mean to steal away under false pretenses? If so then where? What business could the General possibly have that would require such secrecy, and why so suddenly out of nowhere? Each question only lead to another, until Kylo’s curiosity burned almost as bright as his rage.

Snoke couldn't know. Not before Kylo did. 

This wasn't about protocol or justice after all. This was about unravelling the elusive mystery that was Armitage Hux.

So he bid his time, watching Hux's preparations for this so called "mission" like a shriek-hawk. Within the week, the General had submitted a request to Provisions for eight days worth of emergency rations and supplies and given orders to be carried out in his absence. It all looked rather run of the mill...yet there was no shuttle marked for departure. No pilots designated for the journey. No escort assigned. Ren scrambled over the days leading up to the date Hux would embark to find how he was to leave the Finalizer to no avail. He began to doubt if the man planned to leave at all. It wasn't until the evening prior in last ditch effort before resorting to tearing the information from Hux's skull that he noticed a Xi scheduled to be prepped for flight without any mention of its cargo, it's charter non-existent.

It had to be Hux's. There was no other explanation for such an anomaly in the perfect machine that the General had built. But this only deepened the mystery. Xi-class shuttles lacked any weaponry and shielding (the two laser cannons equipped on the standard model were barely considered utility let alone artillery). Really, they were no better than civilian transport, meant to be accompanied by a squadron of TIEs for security. While they were equipped with hyperdrives, their main purpose was to transport people and cargo close range, predominantly planet-side to ship and vice-versa.

Did Hux plan to pilot the shuttle himself? While Kylo was sure Hux was trained as a pilot as part of his education and rising through the ranks, when was the last time he'd utilized those skills? To fly alone without escort in a Xi was a huge risk - doubly so in deep space - and one that Kylo couldn't ever fathom Hux taking. However, if the goal was to slip out unnoticed...

Only time would tell, no doubt spawning more questions than answers. In the meantime Ren personally prepped his own TIE, making a point to hide the act through the persuasion of the minds of all he encountered to and in the hangar. No one paid him any mind, hidden in plain sight by willed ignorance as he saw that his fighter was fueled and primed.

He felt obligated to follow the General wherever he was planning to sneak off to. If something were to happen to him and the Supreme Leader discovered that Kylo knew about Hux stealing away without bringing it to his attention...Kylo suppressed a shudder that threatened to crawl down his spine. He didn't dare think of what punishment would be inflicted upon him for such negligence.

He was left with no choice but to slip out of the hangar at the first opportunity and hide himself both with his TIEs cloaking and aid from the Force to disturb any sensors that might detect his presence. With the flip of several switches he disabled all communication with the Finalizer as well, his console beeping in warning though it went ignored. In the cover of the endless abyss of space just outside the Finalizer's massive gravity well, hidden in the void of shadow left underneath the ship, he waited...

The comings and goings of a Resurgent-class Star Destroyer lulled at him. Familiar patterns repeated like clockwork without fail. People. Thoughts. Routines. All the faintest of echoes that escaped his perception unless chased after. Closing his eyes he let the barely there whispers still his thoughts. With a body forgotten the mind could reach. Though distant, he became one with the buzzing of life and machine. Time lost meaning to him. The night cycle slipped away from him until the closing hours of black shift. Eventually Kylo was stirred from his meditation by a deviation from the drone of it all. His abstract awareness of the whole snapped to a single entity as it exited a cargo hangar on the port side. Unscheduled. Unassimilated.

Hux.

Time was of the essence. Once Hux had escaped the Finalizer's gravity well, there was a seven to ten minute window until the hyperdrive initiation sequence completed and the shuttle was prepped to jump to lightspeed. With no prior knowledge of Hux's destination this was his last chance to gleen it from his thoughts. Once the jump was made Kylo would not be able to track him. Vectors could be calculated but they had no bearing on where Hux would stop or could predict alterations en route as hyperspace shadows were navigated. Not even the Force could aid him. Only a true master could manage such a task, and even then there were limits to the distance one could perceive with any accuracy or detail. As skilled as he might be such an undertaking was beyond him.

Kylo didn't bother to pilot his TIE closer from where he was hidden in the shadows. It would only diminish his concentration and waste precious time. Using what stillness remained from his meditation as an anchor he reached out and latched on to the General's life force. From there he narrowed his focus until he began to catch flashes of surface thoughts. 

_Anticipation. Confidence. Trust. The briefest notion of the first time he'd been allowed in the pilot's seat._

Ren winced at that memory, pushing through as his own threatened to distract him. He couldn't think about that now. Couldn't think about it at all, really.

Three minutes had already passed. Hux wasn't immediately thinking of his destination and time was running out. With growing desperation, Kylo pushed deeper, fully aware that the further he attempted to dig, the more likely Hux would notice what could only be Kylo rooting around in his head. Still, he pressed on.

_Nostalgia. Bittersweetness that grew slowly more sour. Regret._

Emotions came easier than thoughts themselves. Images and words were fleeting and abstract at best unless associated with impactful feelings. Hux's emotions were normally so muted to begin with that it made it all the more difficult.

Six minutes gone...

There was no time left. With a grunt of frustration Kylo pushed the limit once more. 

_Loss. A calling. The smell of green. The sound of rain..._

_Home._

And with that the space around Hux's shuttle warped for a split second before he disappeared in a flash of light. Kylo's eyes shot open to stare at the emptiness left behind. 

Home? Kylo would have assumed a man raised in the remnants of the Imperial Fleet in unknown regions would consider the Finalizer to be his current home, but apparently there was another. That Hux would consider somewhere else was surprising. The implication of a past was somehow shocking even though that was the very thing Kylo had been searching for this entire time. Brow furrowed in thought, he replayed what he'd seen, committing the vague details to memory before they could slip away. Sensations of greenery and rainfall suggested the only other option Ren could even begin to guess.

Hux was going home to Arkanis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by [@booknerd0612](http://booknerd0612.tumblr.com/), [@solohux](http://solohux.tumblr.com/), and [@brawlite](http://brawlite.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Follow me on tumblr at [@emperor-huxxx](http://emperor-huxxx.tumblr.com/) for more kylux, or at [@fffsteak](http://fffsteak.tumblr.com/) for my personal blog!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as questions can lead to more questions, so too can answers; and some answers are worth more than one bargains for.

The First Order’s latest project had just begun construction in the faint shadow of Ilum, tucked away deep in sector G-7. Dubbed Starkiller, it had been where the Finalizer was stationed when Hux slipped away with Kylo hot on his trail, roughly 1.2 million lightyears from Arkanis, which lay across the galaxy nestled against wildspace. Even with the heavily modified 0.5 hyperdrive in Kylo’s TIE fighter the journey would take a little over two days of constantly hopping in and out of lightspeed, all while skirting around the treacherously dense deep core until the nearest established hyperspace route could be reached. If Hux’s unassuming Xi-class hadn’t been modified as well, it would take the General three, maybe four, days to complete his own flight.

Kylo, however, was accustomed to long days of travel; always had been, even as a child. Since he’d learned to harness his gift for the Force, the knight had taken to simply meditating to pass large spans of time. Even in the discomfort of his fighter, he found it easy enough to slip back into a form of pseudo-hibernation. Kylo’s mind remained loosely conscious of his surroundings on an instinctual level, but his heart rate and metabolism eventually slowed, allowing him to forego the hassle of bodily needs for the next forty-eight plus hours. Drifting on the edge of consciousness, his TIE’s onboard computer calculated the fastest route and navigated the autopilot, leaving him to rest.

It was the quiet - the lack of an engine hum - that pulled Kylo back to full awareness. Blinking crusted eyes open, he saw darting streaks of light that arched through the slowly shifting darkness past his viewport. Kylo’s brow furrowed softly as stiff muscles flexed and stretched back to life, his thoughts equally as sluggish to return. _Lightning?_ Another rolling flash of muted grey-white branched out like cracking glass. Before him, cloaked in  perpetual cloud cover, the curvature of Arkanis blended in with the dark sky beyond where it wasn’t defined by brief glowing clouds. Kylo had come into orbit in the planet’s shadow above a massive storm.

It was a beautiful sight, once Kylo had shrugged off the thick haze of his deeper meditation. He had a vague knowledge of the endless forests that carpeted the mountain terrain until sheer cliffs plunged into deep, tumultuous oceans, but none of it could be seen through the ever-shifting cloud layer that encompassed the majority of the planet. Kylo wasn’t here to sightsee, however.

If his assumption about Hux’s shuttle being unmodified was correct, he had at least a day cycle before the General would arrive. Time enough to find a suitable landing site, see to his survival needs, and formulate a plan. It would be more advantageous to track Hux from the surface than to follow him down once he arrived, less risk of being detected in his approach that way. Yet Kylo couldn’t exactly hunt down the General from across the planet if he intended to catch Hux in whatever act he was planning to achieve here. If he was going to have any success in this, he’d need to know the general area Hux was going to visit beforehand.

For all the General’s predictability, Kylo found himself at a bit of a loss as to what would be on Arkanis that would be worth going back for, in Hux’s mind. Data entries about Hux’s life prior to  the death of his father and his most recent promotions were few and far between. Everything Kylo knew had been pieced together from records of various rebel operations and of the late Commandant Brendol Hux.

Hux had fled Arkanis during the assault on the Imperial Academy there in 4ABY with his father. He’d have only been about five years old at the time. That wasn’t exactly old enough to have formed many significant memories of home. Kylo doubted that he would have ventured farther than the Academy that young, either, which meant it was as good a place as any to start his search.

Although the General never gave Kylo credit for it, he was just as skilled a tactician when he put his mind to it. Upon examining the dilapidated ruins of the Academy and the surrounding area, he discovered only a few scant sites that could accommodate the landing of a shuttlecraft. Considering the hushed nature of this little visit, Kylo doubted that Hux would opt for any of the open spaces within the compound itself, which narrowed it down to a single clearing a short ways inside the perimeter in the untamed forest, obscured by a large rock formation on the southern side.

Kylo watched with satisfaction as a Xi-class crested over the tree line the following morning to land precisely where he’d predicted it would. He himself had set down much farther away, taking advantage of the time he’d gained on the General to best conceal his own craft and scout out the best hiding holes from which he could track Hux throughout the campus and beyond.

From one such spot, nestled within the exposed, hollow roots of a massive redwood, Kylo watched as the shuttle touched down. Despite the utter lack of change within his viewfinder, he followed along down the list of post-flight checks and protocol like it was second nature. His timing was near perfect, too, as the hum of the SJFS-101c sublight ion engines faded and the ramp lowered.

Into view came a surprisingly…casual Hux. The General wore a plain, heather grey shirt, its sleeves shoved up to his elbows. His usual mirror finish boots had been swapped for ones more suited to combat or rough terrain, but definitely not standard issue. Without his greatcoat or the sharp, neatly-pressed lines of his uniform he looked so much more, well, human. Draped over his arm was what appeared to be a hooded cape, but he made no motion to don it.

Instead, the General just stood there, half way down the ramp, staring out into the rain. Kylo zoomed his viewfinder in further, interest caught by the unguarded expression on Hux’s face. He looked...awed? It was hard to say from his current vantage point, but it was, without a doubt, a look he'd never seen from the man before.

For a moment, Hux closed his eyes and remained still before slowly stepping down the ramp to the point where the nose of the shuttle ceased to part the steady rain. There a pale, delicate, ungloved hand reached out almost tentatively. Cool rain splattered over a relaxed palm, although Kylo couldn't see it through the rest of the rainfall. What he did see was the soft smile that pulled at Hux’s lips; the way he gazed tenderly up at the water as it fell, his hand turning this way and that in the spray.

 

 

 

Kylo gasped, flinching back from his viewfinder as though he had been struck. His chest felt like he had. Kylo could feel his cheeks warm and the cold damp that surrounded him only served to make it that more noticeable. Whatever that was that he'd just witnessed had been so _intimate._ Kylo was reminded that he was a voyeur here, yet he felt no shame for it. If anything this only stoked his burning curiosity all the more.

By the time the knight had brought his viewfinder up to his brow again, Hux had slipped the cloak and hood on, already stepping out into the rain towards the old Academy. Kylo quietly packed his things, throwing his own cowl on as he climbed out into the constant rain.

Its drone drowned out his footsteps as he stalked through the lush ferns always in eyeshot of Hux as they travelled parallel paths. The General seemed to be simultaneously focused, yet distracted. The path he took over the rough terrain was deliberate, but he didn't seem to notice much of his surroundings. While the cry of some creature not so far off gave Ren pause, Hux didn't react at all.

The further they hiked, the less happy Hux seemed to become. Even at their current distance, Kylo felt the soft waves of joy that had rolled off of him at first. Once the remnants of the Academy were in sight, though, the warm emotion disappeared into the man’s usual stillness until Kylo lost all reading on Hux.

Slowly, the General forged a meandering path through buildings with collapsed roofs and empty blocks once containing lush courtyards. Every so often he'd pause in front of a structure and gaze up at it as if trying to recall the building in its former glory. Kylo could only assume how vaguely familiar it all was to the man. Five years old was a bit young to truly remember anything, but what memories remained had to have been deeply formative.

Whenever Hux continued on, Kylo followed. The rain around them waxed and waned in strength, the sound of it masking Kylo’s presence as he moved from shadow to shadow, recess to recess. Just as they had approached the heart of the Academy, they seemed to take a turn, leaving the grounds on the opposite side into what appeared to be a sprawling garden left to run amok between the sparse trees just before the forest’s encroaching edge. Kylo noted plants familiar to him, surely foreign to Arkanis, that seemed to have thrived in their neglect. Other plots seemed to have been overtaken by the ferns that seemed to carpet the planet’s soil naturally.

Kylo had begun to believe that Hux intended to continue on into the forest proper when, suddenly, he came to a stop below a large tree, the last sentinel before the true wilderness. Its gnarled roots snaked over a small, natural trench of sorts at which Hux stood, staring down.

He didn't dare move any closer despite not being at the best angle to see what it was that had Hux’s focus. Outside the ruins of the Academy, but isolated from the plentiful cover of the forest proper, Kylo had nowhere else to hide save for the tree he was currently pressed against. His viewfinder could offer a better gauge of Hux’s body language but little else, from his current position.

As he leaned into moist bark, he watched as Hux eventually dropped down to one knee, his hood falling back as he did. Minutes passed; their exact length drowned out in the constant patter of rain. When he stood again, the General made no motion to pull up his hood once more. Bright red hair slowly darkened into a deep auburn as the rain soaked through him.

Curiosity and irritation rose steadily, at odds with each other, until Kylo simply couldn't stand it any longer. What in the stars was Hux looking at? Why was he just standing there, letting himself get soaked? Kylo wanted his answers, even if it took marching up to Hux and demanding them.

With a determined sigh, Kylo pushed away from his cover. Though he made no further attempt to conceal himself, the rain still masked his approach. Even as Kylo came to flank Hux by a few feet, the General took no heed  of him. Not that Kylo noticed. His own attention was equally stolen as he finally saw what lay before Hux.

At the base of the tree, cradled on both sides by ancient roots, was a deliberate pile of moss covered stones. White wildflowers surrounded the small landmark that could only have been a grave.

There was a sting of preemptive guilt for invading such a private moment, but Kylo was far too impulsive to take heed of it.

“Who is it for?” Kylo said, his vocoder more cutting than usual as it broke the natural, droning quiet of the past hour.

Hux started violently. With a sharp gasp, he spun around, blaster suddenly drawn and cloak swept aside as he took aim. There was a moment of panic before his brief look of recognition was immediately plastered over with exacerbated confusion.

Kylo returned an inquisitive look. Hux’s eyes were red and swollen, and not in their usual fashion. Though it was impossible to separate from the rain streaking down Hux’s face, had he been...crying?

For a long pause they seemed locked in this standoff. Kylo tried to read Hux’s surface thoughts, but they were too chaotic for him to parse; too many emotions at once - for anyone, let alone Hux.

“What the kriff are you doing here?”

The bluntness of the General’s tone and language caught Kylo off guard. Was this even the same man he’d known for the past three years? Here, in the steady downpour, Hux looked so utterly different, behaved so utterly different, that Kylo wasn't so sure anymore.

Completely unconcerned with the blaster still aimed at him, the knight turned back to the grave.

“Who does the grave belong to? Your father?” Kylo completely ignored the question in favor of repeating his own.

“What are you doing here, Ren?” Hux's voice was more urgent as he did the same.

They could both play the same game of ignoring the other all day long, but Hux was doing a piss poor job of hiding his expressions. He’d scowled at the mention of his father, which ruled out that possibility.

Kylo’s attention drifted back to the grave at their feet. Thunder rolled lowly in the distance, sounding directionless as it bounced off the towering trees. Hux lowered his blaster, but kept his finger on the trigger.

“Investigating why a superior officer forged a directive from the Supreme Leader and stole away under false pretenses,” Kylo said, his vocoder adding a sharp edge to his otherwise neutral tone. Hux stiffened in his peripheral vision. “Did you think it would go unnoticed?”

Hux didn't answer aloud. As he holstered his blaster, the chaos of his thoughts settled into something more readable at a glance.

 

_Simmering panic. Acceptance. Anxiety. Reluctance. Fear._

 

These were all emotions he'd seen before in Hux, but never quite like this. They were intense; in the foreground, and threatening to spill over the neatly organized bottles they had been sorted into.

“I suppose you won't leave until you have your explanation.”

Hux’s voice dripped as much cold venom as it did weariness.

That _had_ been Kylo’s goal for this whole endeavor. To walk away now, when he'd only just gotten another hint toward unravelling the mysteries of Hux’s mind, would be agonizing.

“If I'm to commit treason, I deserve to know what secrets I'm to keep,” Kylo monotoned.

“Turn that kriffing thing off,” the general snapped harshly before sinking back into his sullen silence.

The brief second of Hux’s usual self was oddly comforting. Hux was still Hux, though he didn't seem like it at the moment.

With a gloved finger pressed against a switch under the lip of the helmet by his jaw, Kylo disabled the vocoder. Still he kept quiet. It was Hux’s turn to talk. After a long pause, Hux took a deep breath and sighed.

“This...” Not even one word in, he seemed to be struggling despite his matter-of-fact tone. “This is for my mother.”

_Oh._

The words seeped into Kylo’s mind like the rain that bled into the earth beneath his feet. Slowly they began to take the threads that had connected all his questions and perceptions of Hux, weaving them together to form a clearer image. It’s no wonder the General wanted to slip away for this unnoticed.

Beside him, Hux hadn’t taken his eyes off of the small stack of stones marking the grave. As Kylo pulled out of his own thoughts, he could feel Hux’s aura had quieted or, at the very least, the panic had left him. Instinctually, Kylo reached out with the Force to get a better sense of the man’s surface thoughts.

“You don’t know how to grieve for her,” his voice was soft as he said aloud what he found within Hux’s mind without realizing. “How can you miss something you can’t remember? So much loss felt for something you never had.”

Hux’s emotions began to stir again, this time with a far more dull tone.

 

_Green eyes, a ghost of a smile - details, neither of which Hux could tell whether they were fabricated in his own memory or not - and the briefest notes of a sweet voice singing a lullaby._

 

That was all Hux could remember of his mother, at least from what Kylo could gather from what was, surprisingly, willingly given under his probing. Everything beyond those three miniscule details was just the cold front of his father.

Once more, Kylo pulled back into reality, the constant sound of rain always the first sensory input to register in his awareness. He’d turned to face Hux while lost in his focus on the General. Now, the slight tremble of Hux’s jaw and shoulders was obvious as he looked up into the depths of the forest beyond them with a thousand yard stare.

“I-”...

He’d barely made a sound before his features twisted in a desperate attempt to hold back the floodgates. Kylo knew the feeling all too well. To see it on the face of another, on Hux’s face, had a tightness creeping into his chest.

Hux took a shuddering breath and teetered on the edge in silence for a moment more before breaking the stillness once more with a strained voice.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he gasped as the gentle sob he’d been holding back finally broke free. “I don’t know how to feel. I don’t want to.”

Kylo’s helmet hit the underbrush with a wet sound as it slipped from his grasp, hanging by his side. Before him the mighty General Hux, a man Ren had deeply admired even if he couldn’t admit it to himself, began to openly weep, hugging his cloak around him as if he wished to fold in until he vanished from existence. The sensation in Kylo’s chest snapped, leaving a claustrophobic emptiness in its wake.

The seconds that followed were lost in processing the sight before him. Kylo recalled standing back, watching in horror one moment, yet now the gap was closed and Hux was in his arms. The knight’s mind wanted to recoil, but his body refused. Pressed against him, the General had gone stock still. Kylo braced to be screamed at, hit, anything in retaliation, really.

None came.

Hux’s quiet sobbing ebbed before returning harder than before. Shaky hands grabbed at the front of Kylo’s tunic as the General’s petite form simply went slack against him. In such close proximity, within each painfully vulnerable second, Kylo felt Hux’s emotions almost as if they were his own. The true depths of Hux’s loneliness and hurt were overwhelming. All Kylo could do was instinctively hold him tighter. If he hadn’t been so shellshocked he likely would have joined the man in crying. That wasn’t what Hux needed right now, though...

What they both needed was to get out of the rain. Even through the nylar of Hux’s cape, Kylo could tell that the man was soaked. He had no sense of how long they’d been out here, but for as long as Hux had shrugged off his hood he was sure the rain had seeped in through his collar and into his clothes. Kylo’s own hair was plastered to his head dripping without the protection of his helmet. The longer they stayed, the more likely Hux would catch a cold.

There was a reluctance when Kylo pulled back, though from whom it came he didn’t dare to distinguish. Hux’s sobbing came to an abrupt stop with a series of sniffles. They stood there for a moment more; Kylo with his hands framing Hux’s slim shoulders, the General stiff and seemingly mortified at what he’d done but too drained to do anything about it.

A thumb brushed against the slick fabric of Hux’s cape just before Kylo stepped away completely. Why did he do that? Why had he done any of that? The knight decidedly ignored it before he could answer his own question. Turning away from Hux, he retrieved his helmet and brushed the mud and foliage off the matte black. As the emotionless facade stared back at him, he wondered if his grandfather had suffered moments of weakness like this…

“You should return to your ship before you get sick,” Kylo said as he shook himself out of his thoughts.

Behind him there was a swish of fabric and the wet sounds of shifting weight in the wet earth. When Kylo glanced over his shoulder, Hux had turned back to the grave, his hood drawn and obscuring his face. He couldn’t tell whether it was over the steady rain or within Hux’s mind, but he heard a whispered goodbye before the General turned and passed him.

Kylo forwent his helmet and drew his own cloak’s hood as he followed silently. Together they walked, their footsteps swallowed by the white noise of the forest. Hux travelled slower now, with stiff shoulders. Weariness showed more and more in his bodily expression even through the vague form of his cape.

He stayed at Hux’s flank, yet respected the man’s space, only drawing nearer as darkness was quick to encroach on the setting sun as it was obscured behind the ever roiling clouds. Thunder clapped in the distance for the first time, stark in contrast to the lazy rolls they’d heard since he’d set down on the planet. The storm he’d witnessed in orbit had blown their way. The rain began to pour down in earnest, wind turning each drop into a chilling dagger. The last mile of their hike between the ruins of the Academy and the general location of their landed vessels became a sprint to escape the growing storm. At some point, Kylo had rushed up to Hux and snatched his hand, dragging him away from the path to the General’s Xi and instead towards his own better equipped Upsilon. It wasn’t until they had barreled up the loading ramp, out of breath, that he noticed the faint warmth still leaking through his gloves and let go.

Hux didn’t comment on the unintended destination. He simply wrapped his cape around himself and made a beeline for one half of the segmented bench seating that lined either side of the small cargo hold. There he folded into the recessed corner, staring at the grated floor with an unusually vacant gaze.

Once again, he’d become impossible to read. Retreated behind his many walls, the General’s mind was nothing more than an ambient, uneasy drone. Kylo was at a loss. The atmosphere was so violent in its quietude here compared to the vulnerable silence they’d shared under the canopy. Even the rain sounded colder as it battered the hull of the shuttle with thousands of dull _thuds_. It was all suddenly so...empty.

A shiver ripped through Kylo, reminding him of the wet attempting to seep into his clothes at the seams. With helmet in one hand, the other pulled off his cowl and cloak as he moved to ascend the ladder to the cramped rooms above. The sleeping quarters on board might as well have been a closet, but the loft bunk was actually large enough to fit him and the storage space below was enough to carry any supplies he might need. Both helmet and clothes were discarded in exchange for a fresh, dry outfit of a more casual design, not unlike what Hux was wearing. A towel was procured from the small refresher next door which Kylo used to thoroughly mess his hair.

 After a second of deliberation, Kylo grabbed two more dry towels and another set of night clothes from his sleeping quarters. Barefoot, he slid back down into the hold and padded over to where Hux was still curled into the corner of the bench. There he held them out, rather unceremoniously, unsure of how the General would react to such an offer.

For several long seconds, Hux didn’t move at all, only stared at the sloppily folded pile of fabric. His expression offered no further insight to his current emotional state than his white noise thoughts did. Just when Kylo started to regret offering help, though, Hux took the clothes and set them down next to himself on the bench.

Relief washed over Kylo. He felt bizarrely invested in Hux’s well being in that moment, but instead of fighting it or picking the source of the feeling apart the knight simply indulged himself. It was far easier to just flow with his instinct with some hope that the Force would guide him down the right path, after all.

“When did you last eat?” Kylo asked as he took as step back.

Hux paused mid motion as he was removing his cape where it clipped to his shoulders. His blank expression flickered with thought briefly, but he didn’t reply. Instead, Hux exchanged the cape for one of the towels which he began to dry himself off with.

Kylo knew the answer to his question was probably not one a medic or physician would approve of. The General’s eating habits weren’t exactly an example to live by. Kylo wasn’t particularly hungry himself either, but he kept a regular meal schedule as part of his intense training and he was due to eat.

Another trip up and down the ladder, this time he returned with simple portions in hand and two bowls of hot water to reconstitute the polystarch bread within each ready-to-eat meal. Hux had apparently changed while he was up top. Kylo’s clothes hung off of him, far too big for his slender frame. The man’s hair was also a mess from being thoroughly dried, sticking up in odd places despite what looked to be attempts to flatten it down to its usual slicked back state.

It was an oddly...endearing sight. Kylo had to will himself to stop staring from the base of the ladder and actually cross the hold to thrust Hux’s food at him. Though now that he was closer, he only found the urge to stare even stronger.

“Eat. Before the water cools.”

Hux was quicker to take the offering this time. The presentation of food seemed to reignite some measure of life in him as he quickly ripped open the package, and tossed the polystarch tablet into the bowl of water where it rested in his lap. Kylo opted to simply sit on the floor and did the same.

Together they ate in silence. Hux stared at a spot lightyears away. Kylo stared at Hux. In the harsh artificial light of the shuttle, the knight saw for the first time that the General’s eyes had a tinge of green to them. After three years of working with Hux, this sudden realization oddly felt like a slap in the face. They’d always been a pale, tundra blue, but when framed by the lingering red of swollen eyes his irises had a shock of mint to them, it seemed. Kylo was fascinated.

So deeply so, he didn't notice when Hux’s gaze flicked towards him. They held that stare for a full minute before Kylo pulled out of his thoughts enough to realize he'd been caught ogling the man. Embarrassed, but not willing to show it, he continued to stare at Hux curiously until the General broke the contact first with no reaction plainly displayed on his face.

The rest of their pitiful, but sufficient, meal was eaten in silence. Once Kylo had finished his portion, he stood up from the floor to collect Hux’s now empty bowl, discarded on the bench next to him. Except Hux seemingly had the same idea and stood up with his own bowl in hand just as Kylo did, resulting in them suddenly coming face to face, so close his could feel the General’s breath ghost across his skin.

The knight blinked. In three years, this was the closest he’d ever been to Hux without the anonymity of his helmet. With no blank facade and vocoder to hide behind, he suddenly felt exposed. Hux looked equally as shocked, his fair complexion having paled a bit in surprise. And it was surprise. The General had been caught off guard, allowing his thoughts and emotions to slip past his defenses once more.

Kylo drank in what he could. Hux was exhausted but relieved that he had been pulled away from his mother’s grave while he still had the will to walk away. He was suspicious, yet grateful that Kylo had taken care of him. The sensation of being cared for was novel to Hux and he was ashamed at how much relief he took from it.

All of these small revelations were gone just as fast as they’d come. Suddenly, Hux’s mind was sequestered again behind its defences, snapping the connection between them. Hux’s cheeks had warmed a sheer, faint pink. The Knight regarded the bizarre change in color as unsure eyes flickered down the knight’s face for the briefest of seconds, so quickly he almost didn’t catch it.

He wished he hadn’t.

As soon as it registered, what Hux had glanced at, Kylo was overcome with a desire to kiss the man. He was on the brink of doing it, too, out of pure impulse when the moment was interrupted by a blur of movement. Kylo’s bowl was snatched out of his hand as Hux abruptly turned away, immediately retreating up the ladder to the upper deck without a word.

A distant peal of thunder startled Kylo from where he had been left standing, like an idiot, in stunned silence. What had Hux been thinking that caused him to withdraw like that? What in the hell had Kylo been thinking? Each new question brought with it a least three more. Confused and irritated by the unknowns, the knight’s anger began to rise in his throat. Now was not the time or place for an outburst. He needed to meditate on this, on all of it: Hux stealing away, the previously unknown hurt Hux carried, why he’d embraced the General, why he’d wanted to kiss him….

Hours after Kylo had settled down on the floor of the hold to let go of his physical presence and simply exist, he’d gotten no closer to the answers he sought. The constant white noise of rain against the hull refused to fade into the background of his awareness. All attempts to enter that lucid state of oneness with his surroundings simply proved futile. No matter what he did, his thoughts just kept wandering back to Hux.

The look in the man’s eyes as he’d teetered on the precipice of falling apart against the backdrop of verdant green...The way Hux had looked at him, as if searching his soul for something… Did Hux find what he was looking for before he walked away?

All Kylo had found was that perhaps curiosity wasn’t the right word for it after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alpha'd by [@persephassax](http://persephassax.tumblr.com/).  
> Beta'd by [@groffiction](http://groffiction.tumblr.com/).
> 
> The lovely banner was made by [@persephassax](http://persephassax.tumblr.com/) and I'm mad about it, because it's too damn cute.
> 
> Follow me on tumblr at [@emperor-huxxx](http://emperor-huxxx.tumblr.com/) for more kylux, or at [@fffsteak](http://fffsteak.tumblr.com/) for my personal blog!


End file.
